


Geist

by eithelx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 007 inspired, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Kingsman inspired, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past!krisoo(implied), Spy!AU, age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 12:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13099650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eithelx/pseuds/eithelx
Summary: Ghosts are not supposed to exist, and they don't. Still, Kyungsoo and Jongin are nothing but that.





	Geist

Who could have guessed, after all, that the gun would be pointed to his forehead at the end of the day.

 

He knew over a hundred ways to escape from that situation, but none seems to come to his mind.

 

Perhaps, it was the will to stay there, the secret want to have that bullet cross his brains, erasing whatever was left of his existence on earth.

 

The raindrops fell against his eyelashes, pushing them down, weighing the eyelids. From his lips, blood kept flowing, it was washed and replaced almost immediately by another wave of cells.

The heavy breathing was almost silent against the loud drumming of the rain against concrete, though the one that held the gun could swear, he was able to listen to his heartbeat.

 

 

“You don't exist.” –The shooter said loudly, angrily. “You never existed, you are just a ghost trapped in a world of men.” –His words were sharp but barely audible.

 

He was aware of that. Not existing. Once in the program, he knew it was not an option to exist. He chose that life, he chose to defend his beliefs and his country, to serve his people and make everything in his power to keep them safe.

 

 

The world would never know how many bombs had he dismantled, nor would they know how many times he exposed the secrets of terrorists to governments, stopping massive killings.

No one would ever know, but his bosses and colleagues, but to them it was regular work. It was routine.

 

Kyungsoo never cared about recognition. He knew his program was not about that, it was about doing big things silently, it was about looking for peace while cruising the world as a ghost.

 

So when he thought to himself, how nice would it be to have a family, to settle down, raise children and be attached to a loved one, people had to remind him, he could never do that.

Ghosts can't have normal lives.

 

“I've trained you well.” –He muttered to his shooter while showing a small smile.

 

His knees were hard against the concrete, and his eyes did not falter as looking up to his pupil. He was, after all, extremely proud of how he raised the boy.

 

“You are nothing but an old man.” –He spat, triggering his gun and pressing it hard against Kyungsoo's forehead. “You're a disgusting, horrid old man.” –He went on, pushing the latter's head back.

 

 

His smile was still there. Covered in blood and raindrops, he smiled as he heard his student try to offend him in the only way he knew it would not work, for Kyungsoo was never afraid of getting old, and he did know he was not at all.

 

Kyungsoo knew he was not old, perhaps a little disgusting, definitely not horrid. He knew Jongin was talking about that out of spite, fueled by an anger he still was not able to manage properly.

 

 

“We're not supposed to feel so angered.” –He muttered, as a response, the gun was pushed harder against his head.

 

He could feel the wet hair strands between his forehead and the cold dark metal. His eyes were no longer in Jongin's direction, they sought the darkness behind them. Kyungsoo's biggest worry on that moment was not the gun against his head, but the possibility of being found by a civilian.

 

“You've betrayed us.” –Jongin gritted his teeth, still looking down on the man on his knees. “You have betrayed your people, the ones that took you in, that taught you everything and made the person you are now.” –He searched for Kyungsoo's eyes but found nothing but a distraction.

 

 

“There is someone approaching.” –The older one muttered, noticing how Jongin was distracted, fractions of a second; a blink of an eye.

Less than that was enough for Kyungsoo to regain power over that situation, but it was not his actual intention.

 

On a swift moment, Kyungsoo reached for Jongin's wrist, pulling himself up and against the wall of the small pedestrian tunnel right behind them. In less than a second, he had his own back against the wall and Jongin's body against his. The gun was pressed forcefully to his stomach, between both bodies.

 

“Stay silent.” –The teacher whispered, looking into Jongin's eyes, how young and innocent they still were. His student still knew so little about the world, even if he knew much more than most people.

 

 

As both men remained lost in their glances and thoughts, through the dark, a young man in a bike strode along. Probably didn't even notice how the two suited men were pressed against the wall, even less would he notice the gun between them.

 

 

Jongin should have let him go in that moment, should have made him back to his knees, extract his answers and finish his fake existence with a bullet to the brain; but it was too comfortable, too safe, being in his arms.

 

Their eyes were still connected, while Kyungsoo moved his hand, so easily pulling Jongin's gun against his head one more time.

It was rested against his temple, triggered and eager to shoot, but the only thing that could relief the gun's wish was frozen in doubt. The stuck finger against the trigger did not had the courage to shoot.

 

He could end the life of thousands, not even needing that weapon, but he did not have the power to end that single life.

 

 

“Why have you done it?” –He whispered, eyes falling briefly to Kyungsoo's lips, before returning to his eyes.

 

“Why do you believe I did?” –His answer was so short and quick like it was ready to be shot for a long time.

 

“You have the reasons. You wanted to retire, to disappear, he was the only one in your way.” –Jongin continued, shamelessly pressing more of his body against Kyungsoo's.

 

“If you know my reasons, why do you ask them?” –Kyungsoo replied, resting one hand against Jongin's shoulder, underneath his blazer. “You are going to get a cold.” –He whispered, feeling the soft and wet fabric against his fingers.

 

“I ask, because I know they are not true.” –The younger one muttered, dropping slowly the hand that pointed the gun against Kyungsoo's head. “I need to know the truth.” –He went on, looking for Kyungsoo's eyes with his own, searching for anything, until he found a sparkle that he knew so well, but looked so distant.

 

 

He was designated as Kyungsoo's student at the age of thirteen, the older one was twenty-three at the time.

 

Those ten years were never an issue between them. Jongin respected Kyungsoo as his teacher, and the other made sure to teach all he could to his pupil.

 

 

 

“You must make sure not to show emotion. Showing fear, pain, love... It can lead to your death, or worse, the failure of a mission.” –Kyungsoo had his rifle pointed at Jongin's head from afar, as he whispered through his microphone to the earpiece on the student's ear.

 

A single shot was fired, close enough to his student's cheek, only to leave a scratch.

 

Jongin was an incredible student. Agile, intelligent, seductive. Their first field mission was held the next day to Jongin's eighteenth birthday. He was now legally allowed to work as a field agent, even though, legal issues were not entirely applied to those type of agents.

 

 

He was shot, that day. A mistake that should never happen. It was not the end of the world, but enough to make Kyungsoo question if his student was ready for that work.

 

 

“Maybe the best for you is office work. You have always been really good with numbers.” –Kyungsoo said as he watched through the window, how the city looked gray, how it seemed so sad.

 

“I haven't been training like a mad man for five years to give up on my first wound.” –Jongin replied, dropping his spoon onto the empty soup bowl in front of him.

 

“You almost compromised our mission.” –Kyungsoo questioned, moving is eyes to Jongin's, his eyebrows were furrowed and angry.

 

“I was trying to save you. That sniper was about to get you and you didn't even noticed.” –He retorted, making Kyungsoo go silent for seconds.

 

 

It was not usual for Kyungsoo to be at loss of words, it was not usual or recommended.

 

“You almost compromised your life.” –He whispered, looking back at the window. “You are not my guard dog. You are an agent under my watch.” –His eyes were still, focused on the monochromatic horizon. “If I made such mistake, it was my obligation to pay for it.”

 

“So I was supposed to let you be shot dead?” –Jongin scoffed, crossing his arms against his chest in the sassiest way he knew.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, fingertips following the raindrops that ran against the window, whispering a hushed;

 

“Yes”

 

 

Reaching his twentieth first birthday, Jongin was assigned with a position in the agency. He was no longer an apprentice under Kyungsoo's wing. He was now his colleague; his partner.

 

 

“So, agent Spectre, huh?” –Kyungsoo approached Jongin at the balcony, serving him with a flute of champagne.

 

“Not creative, I know.” –The younger one replied, laughing lightly as he held delicately his glass. “I just wanted to honor the man that made me who I am today” –He smiled, eyes traveling to meet Kyungsoo's.

 

 

Silence of that kind was rare between them, at least, it used to be.

 

Under Kyungsoo's eyes, Jongin had become a full grown man. Starting as such frail kid, he not only grew up, as he grew as a person. He felt like he could see it now, the man in front of him.

He was no longer a burden in missions, but instead a helpful companion.

 

Jongin had grown too much and did not fit under Kyungsoo's wing anymore.

 

“Agent Geist, Agent Spectre, are you not enjoying the party?” –The sector leader, Nightingale, approached them, sporting his usual glass of whiskey.

 

“Jongdae, I was just congratulating Agent Spectre on his graduation.” –Kyungsoo answered, being almost immediately corrected from calling his “boss” by his first real name.

 

“Agent Spectre. I can't help but wonder... Was Kyungsoo the one to choose your codename?” –He bickered, trying to bother his friend by calling him by name. That would never work.

 

“Not actually, I've chosen it. A tribute to my teacher, if you might say.” –Jongin answered, stealing a sideways glance to the older one by his side, not ever intending to admit, how bothered he was that Kyungsoo did not look back.

 

Jongdae threw a soft laugh, proceeding to tell the story of how Kyungsoo was the one to choose his codename, as he intended to initially be called the “Beagle” but his friend showed him how ridiculous it would sound if he reached a higher rank.

 

At the end of the day, Jongin's ears had shut down from listening to the intense blabbering of his also graduand friend Sehun, whom they should call from now on, Ifrit. He talked about his romantic conquers, on how being an agent could grant them a free pass to all sorts of women and men, but as he talked, Jongin's mind was far away.

 

 

He could see Kyungsoo still talking to Hades. The tall man of sharp black eyebrows and smooth silver hair was too close, his hand held Kyungsoo's arm, his mouth whispered against his ear, and whatever was said, made him show such a delicate smile.

 

 

“You know they have a thing, right?” –Sehun called the attention of his friend, as he noticed how fixated he was. “You are practically killing the guy with your look. You should seriously stop.” –The boy went on, grabbing onto Jongin's arm, but it was too late.

 

 

In long strides, his legs took him to Kyungsoo. He did not know what to say or do when reaching both men, but he felt like he had to get closer.

 

 

“Oh, Agent Spectre. Congratulations on your graduation.” –The taller male spoke calmly, reaching his hand forward, which was grabbed strongly by Jongin's.

 

“I was just discussing your future with Hades.” –Kyungsoo intervened, not letting the strong stare of Jongin unnoticed.

 

“My future?” –He asked, trying to hide his tension, what obviously was not working.

 

“Yes.” –The taller male said, stirring his drink. “See, solo agents are becoming less frequent these days. I encourage this practice since two heads tend to think better than one.” –Hades went on, slowly grabbing Jongin's attention.

 

“What Yifan wants to say is...” –Kyungsoo interrupted with a smile. “We thought of pairing you up with another agent, to start on the partner program.”

 

“Who?” –He immediately said, looking straight to Hades, who did not seem surprised at all with all his eagerness.

 

“We were discussing Ifrit. You two are great at training and knew how to work in a team with your teachers.” –He replied slowly, only to be run over again by Jongin;

 

“No.” –He said sharply. “I will accept taking part on this project under only one circumstance” –He said holding his finger up, glancing to Kyungsoo that seemed rather bothered from how he interrupted their superior.

 

“And what circumstance is that?” –Hades asked, with a questioning smile.

 

“None. You can’t just impose things like that to your superior.” –Kyungsoo tried to argue, but Yifan held him back, asking to hear what Jongin had to say.

 

 

“I'll be a part of it, only if my partner is Agent Geist.”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo never threw his clothes around, unless he was extremely mad about something.

 

Jongin on the other way was completely calm, unbuttoning his suit slowly, only to hang it behind the entrance door to the apartment they shared.

 

“You should have stayed silent.” –Kyungsoo finally vocalized something, after a long and silent car ride. “Yifan is your boss, our boss. If he says he wants you in a project, you put your ears down like a good dog and do what you’re told” –He went on, raising his tone and gesticulating.

 

 

Seeing him like that was a rare moment. Kyungsoo was usually completely centered, even if he felt something, he reasoned around it, he talked about it peacefully and always won the argument.

 

 

“You said after our first mission, after I got shot, how I’m not your guard dog.” –Jongin breathed slowly, loosening his tie and cuffs. “I’m not your dog, nor am I anyone elses. I had the chance to refuse, but I chose to turn it in my favor. Hades didn’t seem to mind my suggestion.” –He replied calmly. It was almost like Jongin had learned everything, way too well, from Kyungsoo.

 

 

“Who said I wanted it?” –Kyungsoo said between gritted teeth, sharpening his look on Jongin’s direction.

 

 

The silence was made present again, as the single lamp on the corner of the room illuminated both of them. Jongin’s poise stood still, hands in his front pockets and eyes fixated on Kyungsoo’s while the elder felt one of many sweat drops escaping along his face.

 

“Are you that thrilled to get rid of me?” –Jongin whispered, as his posture slowly crumbled. It came from inside, a wave of hurt that ended up finding his eyes and from there, spreading all over his face.

 

Kyungsoo’s shoulders relaxed, the back of his hand wiped the sweat on his forehead as the other loosened his tie. Losing focus on Jongin, turned his back to the younger one as he held himself in the window pane.

 

“I’m getting older by the day.” –He said with no fears of showing all the masked vulnerability. “You should be with a younger partner. Soon enough I’ll be the one doing paperwork for you.” –He said, laughing sadly at the end of his sentence.

 

 

Kyungsoo could only watch how the light post outside flickered, how the lights on the streets were way too dim. He looked away, submerged in his thoughts, until the light outside was turned off and he could see what reflected on the window.

 

Hovering over his body, with silent and hesitant hands, was Jongin. He did not listen to his steps, nor did he felt his presence until that moment. Kyungsoo knew he was supposed to feel those things, just as he also knew Jongin was supposed to not make himself be noticed.

 

 

“I don’t need a younger partner.” –He whispered, finally taking courage to land his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, sliding them slowly down his arms, daring to reach for his waist, where they felt awfully right. “I only need you.” –Jongin lowered his head, letting the bridge of his nose touch the side of Kyungsoo’s neck.

 

 

“You’re clearly drunk.” –Kyungsoo muttered, trying to push his body away from the light grip of Jongin’s fingers, only to be held harder, to have the tall, lean, body pressed against his. “Jongin, this is wrong in more ways than what I could list.” –Said in a softer tone, his fingertips reaching for the window, to prevent himself of losing balance.

 

 

He could feel how Jongin held his face against his neck, how the hands traveled from to the buttons of his shirt, opening one after the other, with no rush.

Kyungsoo felt every single movement, how Jongin’s lips pressed right below his ear repeatedly, and how his breathing was deep and slow. He listened to it as if it was the greatest symphony ever created. The small grunts against his ear, as his fingers found their way under the fabric.

 

He could think of hundreds of reasons not to turn around and face Jongin in that state, but wanting to face him in that moment was beyond any of those.

 

 

Kyungsoo never wanted to look at Jongin that way. He didn’t when he was younger, he felt like it was brotherly love, like he should care for the poor orphan who was inserted into a spy program rather than joined with a nice family; just like himself.

 

He did not want to see in Jongin’s eyes, what he saw. He wanted to see lust, dizziness, and confusion, but all there was on those chocolate brown irises, was love, and it was so sure and secure. It was everything Kyungsoo taught him to be, and everything he learned on his own.

 

So when Jongin’s lips found his, stealing away his breath and sanity, he knew he perhaps did a good job, but maybe he didn’t.

 

 

 

 

“They will know I’m here” –Kyungsoo said, folding his jacket nicely, as he entered their old pad. There were boxes all over, scattered files on the floor, food wrappings and coffee cups. “Great job on making a mess on my apartment” –He scoffed at the younger, as he walked carelessly, stepping on papers in his way.

 

 

“They don’t have access to this place, I’ve made sure of that” –He replied, reaching to the center table, opening his notebook. “Chanyeol hacked this for me, from here I can reach the files at the data center.” –Jongin was focused on the screen, as Kyungsoo sat next to him, paying attention to what he typed in.

 

“How do you know Chanyeol is not one of them?” –Kyungsoo whispered, moving his eyes to Jongin’s face briefly.

 

“He was the one that called me out on it.” –He admitted, looking back to Kyungsoo, who seemed somewhat, disappointed.

 

“So, he was not that dumb after all.” –The elder decided to reply with a sly smile, looking at the computer as it showed everything stored.

 

Jongin reached forward again, browsing the files.

 

“I was blinded by everything that was happening.” –He muttered, opening one of the folders, one that contained several photos and audio archives. “I believed Ifrit when he said you had the reasons to kill Hades.” –Jongin looked to Kyungsoo, his eyes held so much guilt.

 

 

“I can't blame you.” –He answered, not looking to Jongin, rather focusing on taking over the computer control and looking at the photos. “This is from the murder day.” –He muttered to himself, reaching closer to the screen.

 

 

“Turns out it was amateur work, at some parts.” –Jongin said, trying to brush away whatever he was feeling in that moment, focusing on the problem both had to solve.

 

“I never thought Sehun would be capable of such...” –Kyungsoo said, looking at all the evidence.

 

Ifrit was sly. He managed to get inside the apartment complex with a delivery truck, disguised, he entered the building with other men. At some point, as they stopped for a delivery, Sehun was no longer with them.

Minutes later, he left the complex with different clothing, humid hair and a disgusting, satisfied smile plastered on his face.

 

 

“We're fucking elite spies, how was he capable of such shit work?!” –Kyungsoo snorted at that, raising from his seat, loosening some of the buttons on his shirt.

 

“You're worried about his work, instead of cleaning your name?” –Jongin furrowed his brows at the way the older one was dealing with that.

 

 

Kyungsoo knew how high all that shit had buried him. It was not completely uncommon to see spied try to eliminate the other for rivalry inside the agency or for the association to other institutions. That was not the first time he had witnessed people being killed to frame innocents, nor it was the first time they would succeed in doing so.

 

“His reasons are foreign...” –He approached the window, resting against it. “Ifrit is still in the agency, right?” –Jongin responded with a hesitant nod. Kyungsoo understood. “Did you get my position?” –He didn't even need to wait for an answer. Jongin's face was all it took.

 

“Fuck...” –Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, pushing one hand through his hair. “Jongin, he'll come after you too. Why the fuck did you take it?!” –He went on mumbling and complaining as Jongin watched silently.

 

“Jongdae offered me the position. He said he believed in your innocence, that something seemed off with Sehun and he needed someone he could trust so close to him.” –Jongin explained, watching as Kyungsoo stopped on his tracks, back facing him.

 

 

“You have to resign” –Kyungsoo whispered, repeating the same to himself as he turned on his heels.

 

“What?” –Jongin got up, looking at a Kyungsoo completely out of control. “No.” –He said firmly, reaching to Kyungsoo, holding his arms tightly.

 

“You can't be at risk.” –The elder said as his eyes were fixated at the others. “They'll kill you, and blame me. They will put your blood in my hands.” His eyes were unsettling, he could see in his mind, all the possibilities. Spies did that, they measured all the things that could go wrong, they calculated everything and saw everything.

 

 

“I won't die, I promise.” Jongin whispered, reaching with a rough hand to cup Kyungsoo's cheek, before leaning against him, kissing him like he missed so.

 

He had never seen his teacher that way, so shaken and vulnerable. He could not even imagine what Kyungsoo had been going through in the past two years, but he knew it was no good.

 

 

 

They knew Chanyeol's hideout was safe. There was no way anyone else could break into that facility, since it was built by the mastermind behind all of the security department.

 

 

“You are not taking those files inside the agency.” –Kyungsoo held Jongin's arm for the third time, but it was of no use. He was decided to take things forward, lead the evidence to Jongdae and expose Sehun.

 

After days of watching Kyungsoo shift restlessly in bed, having countless nightmares and being constantly scared, Jongin decides he was not going to take any more of that.

 

He felt like he could never live with himself, if not to see Kyungsoo get to live as before. Even if it was an ungrateful profession, one that they had no choice in how to get in or out, it was better than that.

Being able to hold Kyungsoo again in his arms, and being held by him, was much more than what he could ever ask, but still was not enough. He needed to erase all the ghosts in his mind, so they could go back on being silent sprites, watching the world pass by.

 

 

“I need you to understand.” –Jongin whispered while feeling the tips of Kyungsoo's fingers against his scalp, pulling and pushing a couple strands around.

 

“I will never” –Kyungsoo smiled softly, kissing the side of Jongin's head. His hair still smelled like before. It was lemon-scented shampoo and sweat, it was pleasing and comforting, made him remember all the nights they secretly cuddled in their apartment after or before a long turn mission, where sleep would be the least thing they'd need.

 

 

The scent had Kyungsoo remembering a certain mission, to get information about a big Asian drug cartel. They were in Greece, and it was all so sunny and beautiful. Both got back home completely tanned, and were mocked for weeks, but still, it was unforgettable.

 

 

“I want to retire and go live in Greece, by the sea.” –Kyungsoo whispered as both were almost falling asleep together. Jongin had in his face a tiny sweet smile, while the elder looked at the dark that surrounded them, trying to grasp those precious memories.

 

“You'll smell like fish all the time” –Jongin muttered, letting his fingers thread through Kyungsoo's hair.

 

“You will too.” –Kyungsoo whispered again, before falling asleep. It wouldn't take long before the anxieties and nightmares took over his head. Even buried in Jongin's arms, feeling his heartbeat against his ear, his thoughts never left him alone. The ghosts that haunted another one.

 

 

 

He woke up before the sun had fully risen, and alone he was.

 

Not being stupid at all, Kyungsoo noticed the missing files as soon as his eyes reached the small living room. Jongin's shoes were missing, his suit was not hanging behind the door.

 

Leaving after him was probably not the best idea, knowing of his situation, how he was being chased like a bunny on hunting season. Kyungsoo knew he should be careful, that the price on his head was way too big for anyone to let it pass, but he was also aware of the risk Jongin was taking by handing those files do Jongdae.

 

 

It was too much risk, even seating on the coffee house outside the building, at the other side of the street.

 

His foot tapped the floor desperately, as his sharp eyes hidden behind sunglasses, looked around all the exits possible. Kyungsoo was sure that if he didn't saw Jongin leaving that building anytime soon, he'd have to find a way to break in.

 

As the working lady poured more coffee to his cup, the phone over the table vibrated, and was picked up quickly enough to show all of the worry.

 

 

“Nightingale believes you.” –It was Jongin's voice. Soothing, made Kyungsoo's leg stop shaking and his heart start beating even faster against his ribcage. “He is going to start an investigation on Ifrit.” –Kyungsoo knew Jongin was smiling as he delivered the news.

 

 

Kyungsoo didn't quite know how to express himself. A “thank you” might have been appropriate, an “I love you”, exaggerated. Something in between should be perfect, but what was in between? His smile perhaps, the relief of knowing his friends believed him. That he was not going to pay for a murder he did not commit, that he was no longer going to have Yifan's blood in his hands.

 

 

“Let's go home. I'm waiting for you at the coffee house across the street.” –Kyungsoo said calmly. It had been so long since he felt this relaxed. “We could use a vacation.” –He said, still listening to shuffling on the other side of the line.

 

The faint voice of Jongdae was heard, a small goodbye from Jongin and his heavy steps echoing through the halls.

 

“How about we go to Greece?” –Jongin suggested, as he walked to the elevator. “We could get ourselves some really nice tan and some fish perfume.” –He joked, waiting for the elevator to rise to his floor.

 

 

“I would love to get stinky with you.” –Kyungsoo replied in a way, that was not usual. It sounded weird, but it felt right.

 

A couple of fainted words were heard as Jongin walked into the elevator with his cell phone still on. Kyungsoo smiled at the screen, when the call went off. Taking the wallet off his leather jacket's pocket, he left the payment for the coffee and a good tip to the coffee lady that needed a new pair of shoes.

 

He felt light enough to allow himself on being generous. The weight was off his back, he didn't know it was so good to feel light.

 

His happiness didn't take long, as he spotted Sehun's figure leaving the building, nonchalant, with a hand safe hidden is his pant pocket. He looked in peace with himself, and that made Kyungsoo cringe in disgust.

 

Maybe the lightness of his body would be even better, if he could just punch him once. It was a terrible idea, but Kyungsoo had his share of restraining. As a man in his early forties, he was allowed to be a little reckless.

 

 

As he rose to his feet, something hit him. The hand in the pocket, the smile plastered in his face. The way he looked back briefly before walking away in such a hurry.

 

His brain processed everything, but his body couldn't respond that fast.

 

Before Kyungsoo could do anything, he was already being tossed back with the impact. And still the only thing in his mind, was Jongin.

 

 

 

His eyes felt heavy, and slowly gaining back his senses, he could feel the shattered glass against his skin, the loud noise of sirens and screams. It was all very foggy, next to him the coffee lady laid looking completely lifeless, blood dripping the side of her face.

 

Still feeling weak and dizzy, Kyungsoo got on his feet, shaking away the remains of glass off his clothes, covering his face with the sleeve of his jacket. Before he could leave the coffee house, Kyungsoo checked the pulse of the waitress. It was faint, but it was there.

 

With heavy steps, he walked to the street. So many people screamed, the dust was still so heavy and felt toxic.

 

 

“There's a woman in there, she needs help” –Kyungsoo said as he grabbed the jacket sleeve of one of the firefighters that went inside the coffee house right away.

 

 

Amongst the curious people on the street, he stood. Kyungsoo couldn't care less for the blood mixed with dust, falling on the side of his face.

 

 

He felt his pocket vibrate, the cellphone he had put back inside it. With his bruised, shaking hand, he reached for the phone. The screen was cracked, but it still seemed to be working. The trembling fingers unlocked the screen. A single message was on his mailbox.

 

 

From: Spectre

I love you

 

Sent when he was still on the elevator, before the explosion.

 

Reality hit him on the face like a sledgehammer.

 

His face remained emotionless, as his feet moved by themselves, away from all the mess. All help offered on his way, by doctors and firefighters, was ignored as he just walked away, as if nothing ever happened, as if he was already a ghost.

 

 

\--

 

His eyes opened slowly, covered by his own hand, shielding them from the sun.

 

The scent of the sea as relaxing, just as the waves were. The rented boat was anchored far from the beach, but enough to see the shore and the little houses on the rocks.

 

Kyungsoo felt his skin hot, it didn't burn, but it felt like it could boil at any time. The breeze was soft, enough only to make him comfortable after hours of sun.

 

“Mr. Kim.” –A voice called him, enough to make his eyes wider, to make him seat down and look at the man climbing the boat stairs, sun-kissed skin soaked in water, making him even more like a greek god. His hair was already touching the shoulders, molded in beachy waves, framing his already perfect face.

 

“Enjoyed your swim, Mr. Lee?” –Kyungsoo answered, opening his smile to the man that seated by his side, grabbing his towel to dry off the long hair.

 

“It's too weird when you call me 'Lee', let's only use those in public.” –He said, still ruffling the hair around to dry it.

 

“Well, so stop calling me 'Kim'.” –Kyungsoo answered, grabbing his sunglasses and placing them delicately against his face.

 

“I would prefer to call you Kim, still. Kim Kyungsoo, as if we were married.” –The latter went on, resting the towel on Kyungsoo's exposed shoulder.

 

 

So many scars covered their bodies and souls. Burnt marks, scratches and a shot scar on the shoulder.

 

“Who says I would be the one taking your name? For all I know, you could be Do Jongin. That doesn't sound bad at all.” –Kyungsoo replied, squeezing some sunscreen on his hands, just to start spreading onto Jongin's body.

 

 

“That would be very nice, indeed” –Jongin whispered, looking fondly at Kyungsoo, that still spread the lotion on this shoulders, meticulously, over his scars. “Jongdae called me.” –He whispered, only then making Kyungsoo look at his direction.

 

“How is his leg?” –He asked, cleaning his hands on the towel Jongin previously dried his hair on.

 

“A couple more weeks and he'll be fine to go running after people again.” –Jongin joked, grabbing the sunblock and smearing on Kyungsoo's back, spreading it slowly.

 

“Any updates?” –He asked hesitantly, feeling the latter's hands slide delicately against his skin.

 

 

“They caught him.” –Jongin said calmly, Kyungsoo just took a deep breath. A relieved one.

 

It was that feeling again, of having something taking away from his back. The weight on his soul was lighter, so much more.

 

Too long had passed since all that happened. Three years were not long for most people, but for hiding ghosts, it was an eternity.

 

“He's going on an inside trial, but Jongdae assured both of us that his penalty won't be lighter than life in prison. They recovered footage of a couple cameras and they showed Sehun setting the explosives.” –Jongin finished spreading the lotion on Kyungsoo's and hugged him, letting his cheek rested on the latter's shoulder. “He was never the brightest person I've known.” –His arms got tighter around Kyungsoo that pushed his legs against his body.

 

“Does he know we're still alive?” –Kyungsoo asked worriedly, only for Jongin to answer with a negative hum. It was much better for him not to know. It was safer.

 

Kyungsoo remained silent. It was great that Sehun had been caught, that all that stupidity of him was coming to an end, but still, it left great scars. Jongin would say over and over again, how stupid Ifrit was, but he managed to murder not only their boss, but also many colleagues on that explosion.

 

They were sure that if Jongin had not been inside the elevator, and Jongdae on his office, neither would have survived.

 

 

“'Soo..” –Jongin whispered by the elder's ear, making a little smile boom in his face, washing away most of his worried thoughts. He knew that tone of voice. The one he used as a child, whenever he wanted something and had to smooth his way in.

“You're using the voice again, what do you want?” –Kyungsoo laughed half-heartedly, turning his body so he could face the other.

 

 

“He wants us back.” –Jongin said in a worried tone.

 

 

Kyungsoo was not stupid, not even a little bit. He knew Jongin missed the action, the spying and traveling on missions he knew only he could solve.

 

In the life of a secret agent, there's never an actual retirement. Even if they don't really exist, there's just no way to completely disappear.

 

 

“You should go back.” –Kyungsoo whispered, looking back to his horizon, the little white houses on the rocks and fishermen on the shore.

 

“I won't go without you.” –Jongin replied quickly, resting his face back on his shoulder.

 

“But you want to go back.” –Kyungsoo said, not hiding his smile. He was allowed to smile now, he was not hiding anymore. He didn't have to hide his lust, his identity, his life from a sin he did not commit, his love for Jongin.

 

 

Kyungsoo spent all of his life feeling like a ghost, ethereal, untouchable, but present. He haunted his foes, but mostly, he haunted himself.

 

That path was not chosen by him, but he accepted anyway, because of the gleam on his instructor's eyes whenever Kyungsoo accomplished a mission with not a single flaw.

 

“He wants us.” –Jongin said, sliding his hand through Kyungsoo's stomach, teasingly, knowing how he could be sensitive about that. “Not just me, or just you. He wants us.” –He kept whispering, getting his plush lips closer to Kyungsoo's ear.

 

 

A single, soft, laughter escaped from Kyungsoo's lips. His body slowly turned inside Jongin’s persistent embrace, eyes found his and there they stayed for a little longer.

 

“You know he probably just wants to mock us for our tan, right?” –Kyungsoo joked, as he usually never did. The wrinkles around his eyes were much more visible, but have his face a much softer look.

 

 

Jongin's eyes also had wrinkles, when he smiled so widely. That smile was not always there, only on special occasions, like that one, and so many to come.

 

And as they kissed under the sun, and the sun kissed them, two ghosts found their existence.

Inconstant, unsure, but so real, as long as they were “us”.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2015 and just now am posting to AO3, hopefully you'll like this as much as I do. It was one of my first stories written in english, and I'm really proud of my job with it.
> 
> Thank y'all for reading <3
> 
> (crossposted to Asian Fanfics and Spirit Fanfics)


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